His Sam
by PetPetAngel
Summary: Frodo has left Sam and his friends behind, but Frodo soon realizes that he needs his Sam more than he ever realized. Can he find his way back to the one Hobbit that he ever promised never to leave? Yaoi.


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PetPetAngel: O.o Wow, I actually have absolutely nothing to say about this, except that I happen to like how it turned out, and I hope you do too!

Disclaimer: I do not own and of the characters from _Lord of the Rings_, though I would personally _love_ to have a Frodo and Sam all to myself. But alas, all are the creative works of J.R.R. Tolkien, even though I want them.

**__**

Also, some of Frodo's diologue is made up by RP between Leslie (Helga22) and myself, so don't sue me for that either. To Leslie, I hope you like how this works. --  


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His Sam

Fic Type: One-Shot SongFic

Pairing: (light) Sam x Frodo

Dedication: Helga22, thanks again for the card!

Written by:

PetPetAngel

X

A painful thumping sounded in his heart, growing louder and louder as he went hugging, Merry, Pippin, Sam...

Sam...

He felt bad as he looked to his Sam, the same Sam that had saved his life and kept him going; when he had been sure that there was no hope left. The same Sam that had held him close, kept him in mind when it should've been himself he'd been worried about, the same Sam that had said sorry, when it should've been himself who should've said it, the Sam that had been the one that suspected Gollum, the one that...

His Sam.

He'd... The one there to pick up the pieces.

He hugged him, and he heard Sam sobbing, his heart twisted. And hesitantly, he pulled away from those arms, those wonderful, comfortable arms that had held him, carried him, comforted him, cared for him, _loved_ him it even seemed. Sam looked stricken, the promise he made rung in Frodo's ears, _"I made a promise, Mr. Frodo. A promise. 'Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee.' And I don't mean to... I don't mean to."_ Frodo stopped himself from shivering, the dedication through Mordor was enough proof. Plenty of proof.

Frodo pulled away, knowing that if he didn't that second, chances were he would melt into Sam, he'd never be able to go through with it.

He could never leave his Sam.

**__**

"I'm gonna be here for you baby,  
I'll be a man of my word,  
Speak the language in a voice that you have never heard...  
I wanna sleep with you forever,  
And I wanna die in your arms,  
In a cabin by a meadow where the wild bees swarm..."

X

The sails were white, far too white. Everything was white. His vision. He couldn't hear anything but the soft sound of water and the wind against sails, even Bilbo's gentle, elderly, voice could not come through.

And he saw nothing.

He wanted to see Sam's beaming face, caring, loving, he wanted to see the soft curls that he could still feel, he wanted to see those warm eyes, those eyes that showed everything and a bit more, showed the loyalty. He wanted to see that grin, see that crooked smile, perhaps even just one more time.

The features that were, that made up, his Sam.

He wanted his Sam back.

X

Frodo sunk into his darkness, missing those honey-brown eyes, grasping something that he knew was not there, reaching desperately for him, feeling as though his Sam had slipped through his hands as easily as sand. Those warm shadows encircled him, tangled around his limbs, but he still saw what wasn't there.

His Sam.

That darkness ripped at him, clawed at him, snarled at him, broke him. It ripped at his heart and he bled. His eyes were blinded before him, he felt the hope bleeding away, the light shaken away, and he was bleeding. He hurt, his head hurt, his heart hurt, there was nothing waiting for him, and Frodo's eyes closed, admitting the loss to the battle that was never his to fight, the battle that he could never win.

The battle for his Sam.

And Frodo began crying, because he couldn't win his Sam.

**__**

"And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you,  
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us..."

X

He couldn't help but remember. Here their voices in his head, echoing with a hauntingly enticing melody that begged for him to remember, that burned his soul like on hot stake on skin. His vision blurred with tears once again, and he felt that shadow of pain grow in his chest, his own inner darkness spreading, another fight he doubted he could win.

And he saw his Sam.

X

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"You care so much Sam..." Frodo said softly.

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"But Mr. Frodo... You're the kind, gentle one..." Sam paused, looking momentarily uncomfortable. "You're the one who makes the sacrifices." And Sam looked at the ground, hair hiding the look that Frodo thought he knew was there, shadowing Sam's face and the shame that was there. And he whispered harshly, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you!"

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"I know Sam, I know." Frodo said assuringly, softly, not wanting to startle him, placing a comforting hand on his garderner's shoulder. "But you..." He continued, "You're the one who helps me with everything about the ring." There was a harsh lingering bitterness in Frodo's voice and Sam looked up in time to see his Master look down, a flushed embarrassment apparent on his face. "Thank you, Sam..."

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"Thank you, Sam..." And that flush deepened a few shades of scarlet. 

"But I can't leave you, Frodo," Sam continued unsurely, "You mean too much to me. Even more than Rosie, because you know me better... And I..." Sam paused, and Frodo looked at him patiently. Sam gulped, "Love you more." There was a moment of silence, until finally, Frodo spoke.

"Sam..." He sighed, "You can't love me more than Rosie." His voice was dejected, admitting something that he no reason to, and Sam moved a bit closer to him, before saying:

"Ahh... But I'm afraid Mr. Frodo..." A pause, and then, "I already do. I love you because... Because..."

"Oh Sam..." Frodo said, softly enough to betray the ears, not quite sure he himself was hearing well. "My dear, beloved Sam Gamgee..." And he reached out a hand, making sure it was real and not the glass of his imagination, and if it were, he would pick up the pieces of glass as well as his heart and curse to hope he would never be so cruelly fooled again.

Ah! But it was real, that skin was smooth and sleek and warm under his fingertips, his palm, and Frodo continued a bit more boldly, "Why? Why do you love me?"

"Because... You're incredible... Amazin'... Beautiful... And I don't deserve you." And with a grimaced expression and a heavy heart, Sam turned away.

"But Sam... You deserve me well as much as you deserve Rosie... Though it seems wrong... I have to say it too. I love you..." And in one of Frodo's sly moments, "And you can have me any time you want." Reaching over to Sam, he enveloped him in a deep hug, unknowingly purring, causing Sam to smile into Frodo's neck.

****

"I wanna honor your mother,  
And I wanna learn from your pa...  
I wanna steal your attention like a bad outlaw...  
I wanna stand out in a crowd for you,  
A man among men,  
I wanna make your world better than it's ever been..."

"Mr. Frodo... But this quest... Will we make it? Will there be time for us?"

"Sam... Let's just face it! We're... Dead. We probably won't make it to Mount Doom in time. You know, let's just forget this quest. We need our bonding time."

And Sam pounced and ravished his prize.

X

Frodo cried out, drying his misty eyes as Bilbo scurried in with a worried expression. He tried to coax the distraut boy to speak to him, but Frodo only heard Sam voice, felt his Sam fighting the darkness away from him, refusing to let it take them. Frodo curled into a ball, shivered, closed his eyes, Bilbo's voice disappearing until Frodo heard and felt nothing, the shadows taunting before his blind eyes, and his heart breaking.

He wanted his Sam.

X

It was a mere whisper in the dark, the shadow of a voice of a shadow of someone who once was. There was pain in that whisper, shadow and darkness that dwelled in it, and it held broken trust and faith that dwindled by a mere thread of hope that was ready to be cut loose. There was nothing in those blank, blue eyes, a look of a soul that had long passed through the world, there was an empty void where there should have been a life.

Frodo's hands had grown weak, he was pale and frail, he wasn't sure his voice worked anymore and his legs felt immobile. His hair was unkempt and there were shadows under his eyes. There was a black hole that tore away at his heart everyday, and everyday, he woke to the pain to have intensified.

Frodo had lost himself when he had lost his Sam.

**__**

"And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you,  
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us..." 

Sometimes, Frodo could've sworn that he heard he heard Sam's soft, comforting voice, whispering gentle words, and in those moments, Frodo's heart gained some of it's strength back, and Frodo felt he could fight. But that soft, comforting voice, taunted him and made him want, need more of him, and crushed him when that voice wasn't there anymore.

And there were more memories.

More memories that brought more pain.

**__**

"We'll follow the rainbow,  
Wherever the four winds blow...  
And there'll be a new day,  
Comin' your way...  
I'm gonna be here for you from now on,  
This you know somehow,  
You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now..."  


X

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The cave was damp and cold, dark, and uncomfortable. The Lembas bread was the only food that they had left, and was scarce. It had to be rationed, but there was still a small fear that lurked in the air, taunting its ugly head and bothering the two Hobbits.

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"No. We won't starve... We can't. Isn't there any Lembas bread left?" Frodo asked Sam softly, trying not to betray any emotions that could have escaped into his voice.

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"There is... But the Lemas bread is scarce... We'll have to be careful..." A worried look slipped onto Sam's face, after he looked over his Master's frame, earning a curious glance in response. "But you're still so thin, Mr. Frodo," he commented disapprovingly. "I'm worried about you..."

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"Don't worry about me..." Frodo's eyes saddened at his next comment, and a breif flash of pain filtered across his face, and he could only hope that Sam hadn't noticed. But he had, and Frodo had to cut him off. "All we have to do is worry about getting the Ring to Mount Doom to be destroyed." He leaned a bit more heavily against the cave wall behind him, as if the mere mention of the Ring made it stronger, and Sam looked on with a worried gaze and a heavy heart.

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"But... Mr. Frodo," he protested weakly, "It's dangerous being as thin as you are... You should eat... And seeing as you don't always sleep... I just worry," Sam said, his voice becoming softer as his worry for Frodo took over his protest.

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"Sam..." Frodo's voice sounded resolutely more like a sigh, but the name came out on impulse. "I'm fine. Believe me, okay?"

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"I trust you... But on another hand... I don't trust... Smeagol..." Frodo saw Sam cast a weary, suspicious glance towards the mouth of the cave, and he agreed with that look completely.

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"Hm. We have to trust him Sam. He's the only giode we have righ now." It went against his better judgement, but it was the logical reasoning.

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"But he's been sneaky, Mr. Frodo. And I don't like it. I just... I can't help it... You know..."

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"I understand. But... We'll just have to deal with it for the rest of our journey."

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"As long as we last," Sam murmured, eyes clouding slightly with an emotion or lack there of that Frodo just couldn't place. "I just don't want you to get hurt... I want you to be safe... You mean a lot to me..." And though Frodo struggled to hear it, he heard Sam whisper, "Maybe more than you know."

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Frodo involuntarily leant forward, his eyes shining with emotion as they stared into Sam's. His moouth parted as if to say something, but nothing came out, just his own, slightly shaky, breathing.

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"I... Frodo... I..." Sam seemed at just as a loss for words as he was, his own breathing irratic.

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"Sam..."

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There was a short tension between the too until Sam leant forward and whispered into Frodo's ear, "Don't leave me... Don't go where I can't follow..." Frodo could practically hear the innocence in the question as Sam asked softly, "Promise?"

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For some reason that Frodo couldn't help by shiver at that one word, and he closed his eyes tightly and his voice shook when he spoke next. "I... I promise." Frodo placed his head on Sam's shoulder, feeling the safest he had felt in a long time. He felt Sam kissing his hair softly, over and over, while running his hands through it, and Frodo stopped himsef from sighing.

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Sam's strong hands tenderly lifted Frodo's head from his shoulder, and he slowly leaned foreward to kiss Frodo. 'So gentle,' was all that Frodo thought before starting to run his hands through Sam's curls, but he suddenly stopped and pulled away from Sam, blushing furiously. Sam looked at his Master with confused eyes, "Frodo...? Are you...?" But Sam couldn't finish his thought before his voice went quiet and he couldn't quite stop himself from saying it, "Sorry."

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Frodo almost felt bad and whispered assuringly, "No Sam... It's alright. No need to say you're sorry... It's just..."__

"What...?"

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"I could've sworn I heard someone..." Frodo lifted his head slightly as he heard the sound again. "Uh... Do you think it's Smeagol?" Sam looked around carefully, eyes shifting to search the small area around them.

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"Maybe... Maybe..."

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Frodo crawled over to the edge of the cave, and yelled when Gollum fell on top of him. "AHHH! Gollum!" Frodo's eyes were wide when Sam grabbed Smeagol and dangled him in the air, "Sam no! We need him!"

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"Hm... Right..." Sam gave Frodo a certain look that he couldn't decifer, but decided it would be best if he were to try and calm Sam's frazzled nerves.

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"Sam... Listen... I know you don't like him," he gave an out of character look to Smeagol, "But... He has to help us destroy the Ring..."

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"Yes, the precioussss... I must help the precioussss..." A strange look crossed his face, before he asked: "What were you two Hobbitses doing? I heard dreadful sounds! Very... Strange..."

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Sam's eyes narrowed dangerously at Smeagol, who seemed completely unaffected. "I was... Tending to a... Wound of Frodo's..." Smeagol seemed unconvinced, but said:

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"...We can tend to wounds later... We must go now! Yes, nooow..." With a strange look to the two Hobbits, pranced out of the cave, earning a disapproving glance from Sam.

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"Bastard. As if it's any of his business."

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"Sam..." Frodo gave his gardener a slight glare, to which Sam raised his hands defensively in front of him.

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"Hey... Okay, okay... Just get that glare away. It hurts."

_****_

"And I'm gonna make you a promise...  
If there's life after this,  
I'm gonna be there to meet you with a warm, wet kiss..." 

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"Just... Let's go..." Frodo resisted sighing and motioned for Sam to follow, and nearly yelped as he felt warm arms encircle him from behind.

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"If... He bothers you... Or... Hurts you... Let me know..."

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"Oh Sam... Quit fooling around... He's not going to hurt me **or** you..." Frodo felt Sam nod _into his neck, and heard him whisper into his ear:_

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"I just want you to stay safe, love..." Frodo felt the heat rising to his cheeks.

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"We have to hurry, okay Sam?" Frodo needed to escape Sam's arms, or he was sure he'd never want to move again.

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"Still. You know you can always talk to me, right? You trust me... Right?"

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"I trust you more than anyone, my dear Sam."

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"Thank you," Sam said softly, kissing Frodo's neck. "I love you so much..."

X

Frodo jolted up with a start, sweat covering him and his breath ragged, he felt more tired than he had in years, and felt like he would go through to Mordor, one more time, just because he could see his Sam again. He placed his head lightly in his arms and rubbed his eyes, hearing a groan that he realized was his own, escape him involuntarily.

"I'm so sorry, Sam... So... Sorry..."

It had not been long, that he knew. Though it felt like eternity and an age, he knew it had not been long that he had seen his Sam. Bilbo came in, surprisingly quick for his age, and still, after the many nights before that Frodo had refused his offering, Bilbo tried again and sat on the bed next to Frodo, offering him welcoming arms. For a moment, Frodo merely stared, as if the gesture were completely foreign to him, until he finally realized that he needed someone to hold him worse now that ever.

He embraced Bilbo tightly, being careful for respect to his age, and felt tears pouring out of his eyes like waterfalls. Bilbo's old hands felt cool against his burning skin, and for a brief, painful moment, Frodo felt alive again.

Frodo couldn't remember much of what happened in the next few days, all he remembered were that he saw those sails again, white, nearly blinding him. His breathing felt hevy, he felt like there was something stuck in his throat, like it was shutting and he was inhaling less and less air every time he inhaled. He had an idea where he was going.

He only prayed he was right.

If he was, maybe he could have his Sam back.

X

Frodo felt like he couldn't breath. Again. He was choked and he felt like he was going to cry as they arrived on that shore. Gandalf was there, Frodo hadn't seen him in a while, and guided them to Bilbo's house, even though he knew Frodo and Bilbo himself knew where it was. There was a twinkle in his eye (A/N: Does Gandalf remind ANYONE else of Dumbledore?) that shone bright, and Frodo didn't like it. Shortly after they arrived at his home, Frodo excused himself.

He needed to see his Sam.

Badly.

As he arrived at the house, he knocked on the door loudly, shifting feet nervously, impatient. Rosie opened the door, and for a moment, merely stared at Frodo as though if he had grown anothing head. "Frodo-! Oh if that Samwise could've been here right now, oh Frodo!" She hugged him and he returned the hug half-heartedly, offering her a welcoming smile. "Come in! Come in! Oh, wait, you're probably here to see Sam, right?" Frodo nodded sheepishly, feeling embarrassed. "Don't worry, he's been missing you terribly, he'll be happy to see you."

"Um..."

"Oh yes, did you know, that even after you left, he's still your garderner?"

"Really?"

"He said it's his way to keep your spirit alive, even though you're not here. Sweet of him, huh? I swear, your garden look nicer then ours!" She laughed and Frodo smiled, and sprinted off to his house, surprised he didn't see Sam there before.

X

He saw him. He saw his Sam. Frodo felt choked. Felt like sprinting over to him and hugging him and kissing him and never letting that man go ever again. Sam hadn't seen him yet. Frodo walked over behind him, and Sam looked up at Frodo's shadow looming over him. Frodo was nearly crying just by being so close to him, being able to observe him from afar like he had done so many times when Sam truly was his gardener.

Sam's eyes widened when Frodo came into view, Frodo saw every emotion that flashed through those eyes, sadness, shock, disbelief, pain, and... Love? Dare he assume, could he still feel that way? "Mr. Frodo..." Sam had placed his hand over his heart, and he stood up to face Frodo, who took in every change that had taken place. Sam had grown thinner, his hair had grown slightly longer, and his eyes... Looked darker. Frodo felt guilty for that, because he could guess why Sam's eyes had become more shadowed.

Sam reached out a hesitant hand to caress Frodo's face, hesitant, as if debating with himself whether Frodo was actually there. "Mr. Frodo... Mr. Frodo!" Sam pulled his hand back, instead choosing to hug his Master tightly to him.

**__**

"And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you...  
And I'll earn your trust makin' memories of us...  
And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you,  
And I'll win your trust makin memories of us..."

And Frodo smiled, because he finally had his Sam back, and he was in those warm, welcoming arms.

X

PetPetAngel: Damn... This took way too long to get up... Sorry... It's probably terrible too, anyway. I'm gonna have the SBSP one up soon, though I never checked out whether has a SBSP section...

Eh, it doesn't matter. I'll get it up somehow. I hope you liked it!


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